Hamburgers and Milkshakes

It's been a while.  3 months plus a few days to be exact.  It's not that I haven't felt like writing, it's more about trying to figure out the reason behind why I write.  Really, there are a lot of different reasons.  However, none of them are really important to anyone but me, well, except one.

A few weeks ago I mentioned something about my blog and a conversation got started with my girls. They both mentioned how much they like reading what I write.  My #1 said something to the effect that she liked reading what I write because it showed a side of me that I don't show outwardly.  My Little Mrs. agreed and said she loved reading my blog for the stories.    So, I decided that was a good reason to make sure I continue...for my kids. I think they mostly like the stories I tell,  the ones about my childhood, my work, and my history.   I can see that.  I love reading about personal things people have to share.  A small glimpse into their soul.   I love people's stories.   I love the emotions that other people's lives stir inside me.  Sometimes I feel a connection, and that makes me happy...and sometimes sad, and sometimes passion, and pain, and...well you get the point.  So, I think I will try and write more often, maybe I too will touch someone's soul, or just entertain my children, but there is one thing I do know. When you have a busy mind, a cluttery mind, and a passionate heart, writing helps, writing is good, and writing becomes the therapy that calms, if even for a short while.

Last night I made hamburgers, french fries and milk shakes for dinner.  Not a dinner of champions by any means.  This dinner is a dinner of happiness for our family.  Everyone picks a different type of milk shake they like, chocolate, cookies and cream, caramel.....I enjoy making this meal, partially because my family feels like it is a "special treat" sort of meal but there is a different reason I like this meal.

When I was a younger this meal was a meal I remember my mom and dad preparing together for our family.  We loved hamburger and milkshake night.  I know it wasn't about the hamburgers, or the milkshakes even, because I really didn't like homemade hamburgers, and wasn't a big ice cream kid,  but hamburger/milkshake night was one of the best nights in our house.  I remember this meal as a meal always made with everyone in the kitchen.  My dad usually made the milkshakes, while mom made the rest.  We all liked to sit in the kitchen and talk while the meal was being made.  Everyone was happy, and loving, and close...

When you come from a family that fell apart at the end, a family that somehow lost it's way, and the connections got disconnected, and the happy became sad, or mad, or painful and the loving became distant, the memories often seem sad, and mad and painful.  The memories of what was, are jaded by  unhappy and difficult situations that cover up the good happy memories.  The last things you remember as a family are ugly words, and sad feelings and unhappy situations.   We forget to look way back.  Back to the better times.  Sometimes it's because the good times are forgotten, overtaken by the less good times.  Sometimes they are so long ago they just seem to have slipped away. Sometimes they seem unreal because they become foreign, lost in a whole new language of life.  Yet, sometimes they are pushed away because they remind us of what things were and that in itself is sad.  To think that something so good, could go so wrong.   Milkshake and hamburgers were one of those happy memories for me.  I feel like I can stand outside and look into the window of that house.  The lights were all bright, the smiles were genuine, the laughter was contangious, the love was overflowing.  It really has nothing to do with hamburgers and milkshakes, but that's where my connection links.   Even last night, as I made 3 different kinds of milkshakes, seasoned the burgers (which I now like) and prepared the greasy, yummy fries..it had nothing to do with the food, and everything to do with love, and light, and smiles and love overflowing.