I have been thinking a lot the last few days about texting, talking and generally connecting. I know in an earlier post I wrote about my feelings on connecting, that drive I have in me to not make people feel invisible, love lacking, or lost. I have really tried to work on connecting with people more in the last few months. I am really, REALLY trying to make sure the friends and family in my life know I think about them, care for them and want them to know they are important. Interestingly enough I have run into a weird dilemma.
I love that we have social media and ways to connect so easily now a days. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, email, text...so many wonderful connections. I also hate it. Something gets lost in these venues of connected that doesn't get lost when you actually have a conversation, a face to face interaction, a real "talk". I am a woman of body language. I have always been someone who is so observant in watching other people, reading their body language, listening to voice intonations, watching facial expressions, all the parts that make a conversation real and interactive. With a real life conversation words can be exchanged, ideas and feelings can be verified, and less is left for misunderstanding. I am GOOD, even GREAT at personal, deep and emotional conversations (not to be confused with social, idle chit-chat conversations, ..I still struggle with those) because I read people so well. I think it's why I am so good at my job, I honestly can put a patient at ease in a matter of seconds if I can see, with my eyes, what they are saying. Words are just words, they are not conversation. Words can be misinterpreted, unless there is emotion, or body, or eyes, or "language" behind them. I know that words can be misinterpreted even with these factors, but verification of understanding is so much easier when you see confusion on someones face vs a "?" in a text, or when you see a silence in a conversation when someone is thinking, vs a lack of response in a text...when you have no idea why.
So this is my struggle. I want to be connected to my friends and family, I want them to know they are important and visible, and loved. I decided to start using text, email, facebook ect.. in an effort to make the time and effort possible. It is working in many places, but in some it's lacking. I find when I get down to the nitty gritty of some conversations I don't know the true meaning behind the words. What one person may intend at sarcastic I read as hurtful, what I intend as light hearted may get interpreted as too serious, or angry. Things that are intended to be heartfelt come off as shallow...you get my point, and I can almost guarantee you all have felt that way or had those same interactions at some point. Sometimes by the end of a conversation via text or email I am so confused, frustrated, and lost that the conversation just ends and neither party really has a clue what happened.
There is something to be said for sending a happy note, a "I'm thinking of you", a "just wanted to say hello" to someone to help brighten their day, but there is something so greatly missed when words and emotions, and body language is taken away from a conversation. I worry about my children as they get older. I wonder how well I have taught them to have a conversation, to see what people are saying and not just read what the are saying. I have come to realize that even sending notes of encouragement and love can never really replace the feeling of true connection in a face to face conversation. So I guess I need to update my plan, I want to continue to connect, to send my thoughts and good wishes, but I need to make sure that in my attempt true friendship and connection is not lost. Although I am the queen of reading people I am also the queen of reading into things. Without the visual I become a mess, clarifying and re clarifying, confusing lack of words with lack of caring, second guessing meanings, a dilemma that I think transpired much because of social media. Maybe it's just good to know I am that kind of person, being aware is helpful. Now I just need to figure out how to make it all work.
Stay connected friends. It's what keeps us going. You are all important and all play an important role in life. Let's just hope all the words don't get lost in translation.
